


the best laid plans (are inevitably ruined by idiots)

by regrettably



Category: JJCC (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-21 01:29:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6033121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regrettably/pseuds/regrettably
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chanyul just wants to do something special for Daehwan on Valentine's Day.  Alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the best laid plans (are inevitably ruined by idiots)

**Author's Note:**

> Winner of the Valentine's Day fic poll on twitter! <3  
> Also cross-posted at aff.
> 
> warning for two really brief mentions of sex-related masochism (really brief!)

 

 

Chanyul likes all the guys in JJCC. 

 

In fact, he kind of loves them all, in his own way.

 

He’d been really nervous that they wouldn’t like him and Daehwan, just on principle.  He would’ve understood if they didn’t, nobody wants new members.  New members just mean more people to share food with, more people to share their dorm’s sole bathroom with, more people to share the stage with. 

 

But the original guys do like them, and he couldn’t be more grateful for that.  They’ve been nothing but welcoming to him and Daehwan since they first arrived. 

 

However, that’s kind of the problem.  They might be a little _too_ welcoming.

 

They all have no concept of personal space.  Literally none.

 

This isn’t his first time in a boy group.  It’s not like he isn’t used to living in cramped quarters or anything. 

 

But he’s definitely not used to Youngjin’s bone-crushing bear hugs first thing in the morning, or how Hadon uses everybody’s toothbrushes and doesn’t seem to notice or care, or how Joonyoung will just go right ahead and hop in the shower with you (“we’re both guys, it’s not like it’s anything I haven’t seen before...”, yeah, well, most guys don’t stare at your ass when they invite themselves to shower with you), or how Eddy literally cannot handle anybody else cooking anything in _his_ kitchen and will take cooking utensils and food right out of your hands and do whatever you were trying to do himself. 

 

Henry seems okay, he guesses, given that he really can’t understand a word he says whether he’s speaking in English or some form of mangled Korean.  But Henry also has some weird and slightly concerning borderline obsession with trying to touch his abs, which he doesn’t really appreciate.

 

Beyond their somewhat annoying and definitely invasive habits, they’re just always there.  Their house is so small, and the kitchen is cramped and they really do only have one bathroom and he doesn’t even have his own room.  Or his own bed.  Or even a room, actually.  Or a real bed, for that matter.

 

He sleeps on a mattress, in the living room, with Daehwan.

 

The Daehwan part he doesn’t mind at all.  When the two of them had first moved in, they did have the choice of separate and smaller mattresses with one of them in the living room and one of them in the office, but Daehwan had politely refused on both of their behalves. 

 

Daehwan’s the only one who he’ll never feel like is invading his personal space.

 

Maybe that’s why he loves him.  It’s one of many reasons, anyways.

 

But he doesn’t love sleeping in the living room.  He doesn’t love Henry waking up in the middle of the night after a coughing fit and just walking right through the living room and into the connected kitchen to get a snack, he doesn’t love Joonyoung trying to sneak around their bed to grab whatever alcohol he’s keeping in the fridge to share with Hadon (he’d actually probably be able to grab it without a sound if he wasn’t wearing gigantic heels that clack on the cheap flooring), he doesn’t love Eddy storming through while they’re trying to sleep and going off on a tirade about yet another dumb thing Henry’s done (or, even better, when the two of them decide to get into a screaming match right in the middle of the room), and he definitely doesn’t love when he wakes up in the morning and it’s not Daehwan’s arm that’s wrapped around his waist (that’s right, it’s Youngjin’s).

 

And then there are the animals.

 

Chanyul likes animals.  He likes them just fine.  He likes to pet the occasional stray cat, he’ll watch videos of cute dogs and smile appropriately, he likes, uh… birds.  He guesses.

 

But why does anybody, anybody at all, need to live with nearly thirty cats and dogs? 

 

They crawl all over him, and his blankets, and his mattress, and they smell, and they pee everywhere, and they chew on his pepper plants (plants are nice, they don’t bite you or scratch you or refuse to sit on your lap because all animals hate you for some reason) and he hates that all of his clothing is constantly covered in cat hair, and why can’t they get any of their animals fixed?  Why does E.co let his stupid cat out when literally every time it goes outside it gets pregnant?  Why does Henry feel the need to feed every stray cat in the neighbourhood?

 

So, while he really likes all the other members, he can get a little bit frustrated with them (in more ways than one).  Not that he can really say anything about it. 

 

First of all, when you’re the new members, you don’t really want to complain.  Even though they’ve been with the original members since the summer, they’re still amongst the youngest, and they’re new, and being new makes you the most expendable, and unwanted, and you’re already upsetting the original balance just by being there… so they’ve been trying to make themselves as likeable as possible.

 

They’ve tried to cut down on their weird personality traits.  Chanyul tries to keep his nervous habits under wraps, Daehwan tries his best not to be as clumsy as he’s prone to be, they both try to hide their thick accents and act like they’re cute and sweet and generally happy people (not always true on any of those counts), and they try to not do any of the weird sex things that they’d normally do if they had any ounce of privacy. 

 

Yeah, their sex life has seriously taken a turn for the worse since they moved into the tiny two-storey house.  They can’t really do much at all without somebody walking in on them, even when they try to sequester the office for themselves or even in what someone would assume would be the relative privacy of the shower, much less do the kinds of things that Daehwan likes to do.

 

Second of all, he’s always had issues with dealing with conflicts, or making telephone calls, or answering emails, or ordering food by himself, or really just talking to other people in general, or being in front of other people without wanting to throw up...

 

He’s well aware of the ironies of his job as an idol, and he thinks he’s getting better at the whole talking and being around people thing.  Daehwan helps him when he can, but seriously, just having Daehwan around at all helps.

 

But he still can’t help enough to make Chanyul say anything when everyone else decided to invite themselves along on his and Daehwan’s Valentine’s Day plans. 

 

“I can’t believe you guys weren’t going to do anything special today!”  Joonyoung exclaims, ruffling his long fingers through Daehwan’s bowlcut and shaking his head.

 

“Well, that’s not exactly-” Daehwan starts, but Hadon mumbles lowly beside him on the sidewalk.

 

“What about us?  Couldn’t we have just stayed at home instead of walking around in the cold for ages…?”

 

Joonyoung rolls his eyes, detaching his hand from Daehwan’s hair in favor of smacking his boyfriend in one of his large ears.  “Look, it’s not my fault our plans fell through!  Although that’s the last time I rely on one of my old modelling friends for reservations… that asshole… but we should thank Daehwan and Chanyul for being so nice and agreeing to spend their Valentine’s Day with us!”

 

“Well, I’m not really sure when we agreed-” Daehwan starts, only to be cut off by a booming laugh from their leader.

 

“Thanks for letting me come too!  I never have a date for Valentine’s Day!”  Youngjin barks, flinging lanky arms around both Chanyul and Daehwan’s shoulders and drawing them tight to him.  “Or ever, really…”

 

Now, nobody had specifically invited Youngjin.  Or Joonyoung.  Or Hadon.  Or the two idiots walking a distance ahead of them and arguing about the direction the theatre’s in. 

 

They sort of all just… invited themselves.

 

It had all started with Joonyoung, as most things in their group do.  He’d been talking about his and Hadon’s plans for the day (reservations at some new and very fancy and very exclusive club or bar or restaurant or… something), and of course that led to talking about everyone else’s plans for the day. 

 

Henry and Eddy had no plans.  After Henry spending the previous few weeks in Australia, they said they were just too worn out to plan anything and were totally happy to have their belated plans consisting of just staying in bed together all day, although Chanyul doubts they were going to do any actual sleeping.  Youngjin obviously had no plans. 

 

And then Youngjin had to ask him and Daehwan what they were doing.  And they tried.  They tried so hard. 

 

But somehow “no, we’re not really doing anything special, we’re just going to go to a movie and then maybe grab some food and enjoy some time together” translated into “we have literally no plans and are doing absolutely nothing and don’t want to spend Valentine’s day alone and you should totally come along with us” in Youngjin’s brain, and of course he asked if he could come, and he made his best puppy-dog eyes at them, and they couldn’t say no, so here he is now.  And then he talked Eddy and Henry into coming too (something about food Eddy didn’t have to cook was appealing to him), and then Hadon and Joonyoung’s plans didn’t work out so Youngjin invited them along too, and now they’re stuck with the whole group.

 

The best part is that it isn’t even actually Valentine’s Day.  They couldn’t even go out on Valentine’s Day itself.  After inviting everyone else along, Youngjin had insisted that they wait for Henry to get back from Australia so they could go on a proper group date, and they ended up spending the actual day in long sweaty dance practices instead.  Now they’re out days after the real date, just messing up Chanyul’s plans even further.

 

“You guys are seriously the best!  I’m so glad we have you!”  Youngjin shouts happily (is he even capable of speaking at any other volume?), unaware of how he’s digging one of his gigantic hands painfully into Chanyul’s side while he’s simultaneously deafening him.

 

Their old leader wasn’t like this.  Sihoo was quiet, and he kept his hands to himself, and he didn’t cry at pretty much everything and anything, and most importantly, he got hints.  He understood what a sock on a door handle meant, and he understood what “we’re going to shower together” meant and didn’t walk into the bathroom in the middle of said shower and draw back the curtain and say “Oh, I forgot that you two were in here!”, and he understood that “enjoy some time together” meant that you want to spend the night with just your boyfriend and not with the rest of your bandmates.

 

But Sihoo’s gone, and this is who they’ve got now, and Chanyul’s certain that he’s developed some sort of mild tinnitus just from living in the same house with Youngjin.

 

Normally Joonyoung’s the voice of reason, and he’s usually the only one capable of any level of perceptiveness at all, but he was so wrapped up in being upset about his and Hadon’s plans being cancelled while at the same time planning something entirely different for them involving candles and massage oil and not wearing clothes that he didn’t pick up on Chanyul and Daehwan’s subtle attempts at deterring Youngjin from joining in on their plans.

 

Eddy can sometimes be the other voice of reason, but that’s only when Henry isn’t around.  And Henry was around when Youngjin invited them along and he’s also around right now, and he’s gesturing wildly at his phone and at street signs and at Eddy, who’s tugging the collar of his jacket up higher and furrowing his perfectly shaped eyebrows in response.

 

“Whose shitty idea was it to walk to a theatre that’s an hour away from the dorm in the middle of winter in the first place?”  Eddy moans, shivering and stuffing his hands into Henry’s coat pockets.

 

Daehwan sneaks a look across Youngjin and smiles knowingly at Chanyul, who has to give an embarrassed little smile in return.

 

  _“But why are we walking in the middle of winter?  Aren’t you cold?”_

_Chanyul tries to bite on his bottom lip to stop his teeth from chattering as he shakes his head.  “It’s supposed to be near here… and I’m not c-c-cold!”_

 

_Daehwan laughs and shakes his head, stepping closer to Chanyul as they walk quickly down the nearly deserted sidewalk, snowflakes dusting their hair and their clothes._

“And why is it an hour away?  I thought it was supposed to be near here?”  Joonyoung looks up suddenly as he stops messing around with Hadon’s scarf and spins around to get a look at their surroundings.  “Actually, where is here?  Where are we?”

 

“See, I told you, we’re lost!”  Eddy yells at his boyfriend, who stares blank-faced at him until he realizes he’s yelling in Korean, and he drags a palm down his own face before translating.

 

“I didn’t want this part to happen again…”  Chanyul says softly, more to himself than anyone else, but Daehwan somehow hears him over all the yelling and shakes his head from the other side of Youngjin.

 

“It’s okay, it just makes it more accurate.”  He grins as Henry waves his arms widely in response at Eddy.

 

_“Okay, I’m not saying I don’t trust your sense of direction, but… are we lost?”_

_“We’re not lost!”  Chanyul shakes his head violently, just making the smile that hasn’t been absent from Daehwan’s lips since they left the dorm widen even further.  “We’re just… taking the long way.”_

_“In the middle of winter?”  Daehwan teases while Chanyul huffs and holds his hands to his face, blowing on them in the hopes of bringing some color back to his frigid fingers._

_“Y-yes.  In the middle of winter.  Besides, you told me you liked cold weather…”_

_“Maybe I do.  But it sure looks like you don’t.”  Daehwan stares pointedly at his friend’s pale hands before peeling off his own gloves and holding them out.  “Here, take them.”_

_“Are you sure?” Chanyul asks, hands and voice shaking as he reaches hesitantly for the proffered gloves._

_Daehwan nods and winks, his usual and oddly snaky smile still gracing his round face._

_“Of course.”  Chanyul pulls them on gratefully, and they fit nicely and they’re warm and in a way it’s like they’re holding hands and he can’t help but somehow feel more nervous than he already did.  “Besides, they look better on you anyways.”_

 

_And Daehwan laughs when Chanyul stops walking momentarily to admire his hands in the gloves – Daehwan’s gloves – before Daehwan gently nudges him along in what’s hopefully the direction of the theatre, and Chanyul can’t do much beyond give him an unsteady laugh in return._

 

Chanyul tries to mention something about how this makes the whole situation a little too accurate in ways he wishes they could’ve avoided, but Eddy’s whining about being cold and Henry’s still trying to convince everyone that they’re going in the right direction, and Joonyoung’s complaining about his feet hurting, and Youngjin pulls him even closer into his side and crushes the air out of his lungs (accidentally, he’s sure) and it feels like he’s trying to literally siphon heat out of his body, and if he could breathe maybe he could tell everyone that he actually knows where he’s going this time…

 

Daehwan, as always, tries to help him.  “Guys, I think Chanyul actually knows how to-”

 

And as always, he’s cut off by the other idiots. 

 

Henry and Eddy’s relatively small argument over directions has escalated into a full blown shouting match, as their relatively small arguments usually do.  Can’t they just skip this part for once and move right into giving each other the silent treatment?  The rest of the members can hardly understand any of the words that they’re yelling at each other in English, and although there aren’t many people out in the cold and dark of a Seoul February evening, the people that are outside are starting to stare, and Chanyul’s ears already hurt enough from having to stand so close to Youngjin for the walk here.

 

“Guys, he really does know how-”  Daehwan tries once more, before Hadon decides to take matters into his own hands and bravely slides himself between the high-tempered foreign members, wrenching Henry’s phone out of his hands.

 

“Wrong direction!”  Hadon shouts as politely as somebody can (which really isn’t that polite, but he tries for everyone’s sake), pushing at Henry’s cheek with his free palm to turn him around (why he goes for the face, Chanyul can only guess).

 

It does get Henry to turn around, and Hadon shoves his phone in his face as he points out the proper route there, which instigates some gloating from Eddy and finally the regular silent treatment begins.  It could dampen the overall mood of the group, but the rest of the members are so used to them fighting that it’s almost second nature for the group to just act like it isn’t happening.

 

It actually turns out that having Eddy and Mak not talking to each other is totally conducive to them making it to the theatre.  Not on time, of course (they spent way too long walking in the wrong direction to actually make it to the movie), but they do make it.

 

“Yeah, we are way too late for the movie…”  Hadon says matter-of-factly, closing his eyes slowly and looking like he wishes more than anything that he was back in their house in his bed (with or without Joonyoung at this point).

 

“…and it was the last showing for today.  Of course.”  Eddy sighs, directing a resentful glance at Henry who just glares back at him.

 

“Of course.”  Chanyul repeats quietly to himself, sucking in a deep breath and drawing his arms tight to his chest as if that will somehow make him feel better about screwing this up a second time.  Well, not that this time was entirely his fault.  But still.

 

“Well, what are we going to do now?  I can’t believe we walked all this way in the cold for nothing…”  Joonyoung whines, biting his bottom lip impatiently and stamping his feet to keep warm.

 

“I’m sorry…”  Chanyul whispers to Daehwan as he manages to sneak out of Youngjin’s grasp while he’s distracted by Joonyoung’s complaining, but Daehwan doesn’t look upset in the slightest.  Instead he nudges Yul gently in the side, gesturing with his head towards some arcade games lined up on the outside of the movie theatre’s wall.

 

“Remember?”  He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a little rubber ball, holding it out to Chanyul with a smile.

 

Yul shakes his head slowly, although he can feel the corners of his mouth turn upwards even though he really doesn’t feel like smiling at the moment.  “I can’t believe you carry that around with you…”

 

“Why wouldn’t I?”  Daehwan grins, squeezing the ball in his palm.  “I still think it’s great.”

 

“It’s just a rubber ball-” Chanyul’s cut off by Daehwan pressing a finger to his nose (most people would probably do the lips, but Daehwan’s always had a thing for touching his nose).

 

“But I like it.”  Chanyul tries to nip at Daehwan’s finger, and Daehwan laughs as Yul’s teeth catch his fingertip momentarily.  “But if you want, you could try to win me something else…”

 

_“Ah… I’m so sorry…”  Chanyul wrings his glove-clothed hands together anxiously as he tries to judge Daehwan’s reaction.  “It’s all my fault, I guess we might have kind of got a little bit lost…”_

_“A little bit lost?”  Daehwan raises his eyebrows, but his face is still puffed out into a smile as he looks up at the show times listed on the front of the theatre._  

_Chanyul looks down at the ground, scratching the back of his neck, trying to keep his hands busy.  “Okay, maybe more than a little bit… I'm sorry, I know you wanted to see the movie…”_

_And he knows Daehwan has been, and of course the cold weather was a bad enough start, and then he made them walk around for ages, and now he’s made them miss the last showing of the movie, and it would be really great if his hands would stop shaking and if maybe his lungs would work better and let him take deep breaths-_

_But Daehwan just keeps on smiling as he grabs his arm and pulls him towards some game machines lined up on the sidewalk outside the theatre.  Chanyul lets Daehwan lead him, as he always does and always will do, towards a machine that’s bright and flashy and has prizes lined up on little shelves._

_“You any good at these?”  Daehwan asks as he scans over the prizes, fishing some folded bills out his pocket._

_“Uh… I’m okay, I guess…”_

_Daehwan grins as he presses the bills into Chanyul’s hands.  “Then win me something.  To make up for the movie.”_

“Sure, I can try again, if you want…”

 

Daehwan nods and pulls out some money, feeding the machine with a very familiar grin.  Daehwan kneads the rubber ball in his palm, pressing his face close to the glass of the machine, eyes lighting up as he watches Chanyul place his hands on the machine’s controls.  It’s one of those machines where the whole point is to knock one of the prizes off the shelf with a little bar.

 

And truth be told, Yul isn’t all that great at these.  But he swears he isn’t as bad as he’s doing either.  Although Daehwan doesn’t look disappointed at all even when he misses again and again.

 

And it gets the rest of their members, previously occupied with squabbling and/or ignoring each other in front of the theatre, to stop arguing for a second and come watch what their newer members are doing.

 

“You’re awful at that.”  Joonyoung says as he watches Chanyul miss for the umpteenth time in a row.

 

Chanyul’s shoulders slump as he misses again, but Mak pokes him in the arm and presumably asks to have a turn, and Chanyul happily relinquishes control (he’d much prefer everyone not watching him while he plays, thanks).

 

“Now see, he’s much better.”  Joonyoung nods approvingly,  and even Eddy looks somewhat proud (even though he rolls his eyes and keeps his arms firmly crossed in front of him) as Henry knocks a prize off a shelf on his first try.

 

They watch as Henry retrieves his prize, a little figurine of something Chanyul doesn’t recognize (he really should pay more attention during all of Daehwan’s animes), turning it tentatively around in his hands.  Then he nudges Eddy (still pointedly ignoring him) carefully, passing him the prize slowly, hopefully (sheepishly), and there's almost an audible sigh of relief from the rest of the members when Eddy thinks for a second before slowly accepting it.

 

Chanyul feels thankful that they’re over their first fight (please, let it be the last one for the day for once), and he actually feels pretty bad for them because they look like they really want to have a makeup kiss (or a lot of makeup kisses) and he knows, he really _knows_ how much it sucks that they can’t. 

 

But his other feelings are quickly replaced by his previous annoyance, now amplified when after wrapping up some sort of conversation that Chanyul doesn’t understand a word of with Eddy, Henry spots the ball in Daehwan’s hands and snatches it.

 

“Prince-hyung…”  Daehwan pouts at Mak as the Australian bounces the rubber ball off the sidewalk.

 

“What’s this?”  Mak asks (at least that’s Chanyul’s best guess at what he asks).

 

“Yeah, we’ve seen you carrying it with you like, everywhere since you guys joined…?”  Eddy joins in, tossing the ball back and forth with Henry, and Chanyul bites at the inside of his cheek to keep himself from telling them to stop, stop, stop it, just give it back…

 

_“I’m sorry, usually I’m much better at these kinds of things…”  Chanyul sighs as he looks down at the one prize he managed to win after an embarrassingly huge number of times.  While he admittedly really isn’t that great at arcade games, he really isn’t so bad that all he could win was this shitty prize.  It’s just that it’s cold, and his hands are shaking even with Daehwan’s gloves, although that really might be from the way his stomach is tying itself up in knots and he still can't seem to breathe properly and…_

_“What are you talking about?”  Daehwan smiles as he takes a rubber ball from Chanyul’s trembling hands.  “It’s great.  I love it.”_

_Chanyul shakes his head as Daehwan drops the ball on the concrete below them, grinning from ear to ear when it springs back into his hands.  “You don’t love it.  It’s just a rubber ball…”_

_“It’s the best thing anybody’s ever won for me.  And I totally do love it.”_

_Chanyul sighs as Daehwan tosses him the ball, round face full of childish glee.  “Prove it.”_

 

_“Fine.  I’ll take it with me everywhere then, for the rest of forever.  Will that prove it to you?”_

 

“Hyungs, come on…”  Daehwan whines, trying his very best to put on his very cutest pout when he gives Chanyul a quick sidelong glance and notices the way he’s got his standard promotions smile plastered onto his face while he’s clenching his hands into fists at his side, and Yul knows how much it grates on him to have to act cute literally all the time…

 

And then Youngjin jumps in and now he’s playing three-way catch with Eddy and Mak with the ball, Daehwan’s ball, it’s Daehwan’s, it’s Daehwan’s, give it back, it’s Daehwan’s... and why is Daehwan looking at him like he’s grown a third eye or something?

 

He’s not entirely sure, but Daehwan’s pout is replaced with a look of genuine concern until he doubles his efforts to get the ball back.  “Hyungs, please, give it back…”

 

And of course, it doesn’t work, because they don’t listen, they never listen…

 

But Hadon makes his second save of the night, stepping into the fray and making a perfect interception. 

 

“I’m hungry.”  His voice is tired and cranky as he passes Daehwan his ball back, and Chanyul has never appreciated their maknae more than he has at this moment.  “I’m hungry, and I’m tired, and I’m cold, and can we please just get some food instead of standing around out here?”

 

“Yes, thank you, someone finally has some sense around here, can we please go?”  Joonyoung moans, trying to pull his leather jacket tighter around himself (maybe if he didn’t insist on wearing things that are tight and black and leathery all the time, he wouldn’t complain so much, but hey, it’s not like Chanyul’s upset or anything).

 

“Ooh, yes, food!”  Youngjin shouts, making Chanyul’s eardrums ring and his fists clench even tighter.  “Where are we going?”

 

Daehwan gives Yul that concerned look again before turning to Youngjin.  “Well, we actually had a place already picked out-”

 

Joonyoung jumps in, all flashy hand gestures and whiny voice.  “Ooh, I know this great place-”

 

“Uh, Youngjin, we should really go to the place we picked out, you’ll really like it!”  Daehwan’s smart, and Youngjin really likes him, and he keeps giving Chanyul that look, and this might actually work this time.

 

“Yeah, let’s do what Daehwan says!  He’s got good taste in food!”  Youngjin grins, clapping his hands together and doing a little (and totally unnecessary) jump into the air.

 

“Sure, if you like having the lining of your throat burnt and not being able to taste anything again for a week…” Eddy grumbles, but Youngjin’s satisfied with doing what Daehwan wants, Joonyoung loves spicy food so he’s happy, Hadon’s happy when Joonyoung’s happy so there aren’t any complaints from him, Henry can’t understand them so he has no idea what he’s in for and can’t complain, and Chanyul’s just glad that something is finally going the way it’s supposed to tonight.

 

Daehwan has to spend most of the walk to their restaurant of choice talking to Youngjin, who’s got a large hand lodged into Daehwan’s shoulder, but Daehwan manages to deflect him onto Joonyoung and a hapless Hadon and he sneaks over to Chanyul, walking at the back of the group and staring with determination at the sidewalk and working very hard on trying not to grind his teeth together.

 

“Hey.”  Daehwan smiles as he bumps into him.  “You okay?”

 

Chanyul sucks in a deep breath,  running a hand through his hair, burying his shaking hands in the pockets of the blue coat that he knows Daehwan likes on him, forcing what he hopes is a convincing smile.  Everything’s going so wrong already, he can at least try to act like he’s not close to a minor meltdown for Daehwan’s sake for the rest of this disaster.

 

“Yeah, fine.”

 

“Really?”  Daehwan reaches out, wiping his thumb across Yul’s bottom lip.  “You’re bleeding.  From your mouth.”

 

“What?”  Chanyul runs the back of his hand across his mouth, looking from the blood on Daehwan’s thumb to the red smear across his own skin.  He doesn’t even know how it happened, he must have bit his own lip open at some point during the whole ball incident but he doesn’t remember at all. “Oh… I’m sorry…”

 

Daehwan shakes his head as he reaches into his coat to pass Chanyul a folded kleenex.  “You don’t need to be sorry for that.”

 

Yul dabs at his lip, and he knows that if he wasn’t so cold he’d be blushing due to the way Daehwan’s staring at him so intently.  But it helps.  Just having Daehwan next to him helps.  He isn’t thinking about trying not grind his teeth together, he knows he’s not chewing on his lips, he can think of the people walking ahead of him again without immediately connecting their names with profanities in his head.

 

It just feels easier to breathe, to think, to smile.

 

Daehwan looks like he wants to say something more, but somehow they make it to the restaurant before he’s got a chance.

 

And now that they’re there, Yul has to think about the teeth-grinding thing again.  Because somehow he ends up sitting between Youngjin and Eddy, and Daehwan’s all the way at the other end of the table.

 

He doesn’t get it.  Mak’s next to Eddy, Hadon’s next to Joonyoung, Youngjin really wouldn’t have cared about where he was seated so he’s fine, but he, Chanyul, doesn’t even get to sit next to his own boyfriend, on what was _supposed_ to be their _own_ date.

 

He tries to signal to Daehwan, to show him that he’s sorry (because there’s no way he’s going to yell across the table in the middle of a restaurant where other people could hear him), to just let him know that he’s _so sorry_.  But Daehwan just shrugs at him and smiles from the other end of the table, never once letting his eyes leave Chanyul’s frame, never once letting the smile leave his face.

 

He does look away when their food arrives, however.  Which is understandable.  Daehwan really loves the food here.  He picked out all the dishes with Joonyoung, and although they did pick out some milder choices for the rest of the members, even the mildest dishes at this place are still spicy enough to make your eyes water the second after the food touches your tongue.

 

And that’s just how Daehwan likes it.  So that’s how Chanyul likes it too.

 

_“Oh my god!  Chanyul!  This is so good!”  Daehwan says between shovelling something bright red and so spicy it burns Chanyul’s nostrils just from sitting near it into his mouth.  “It’s like, the spiciest food I’ve ever eaten!  I didn’t even know they made food this spicy around here!”_

_Chanyul tries to blink the tears that are forming quickly out of his eyes as subtly as he can, helping himself to a very small portion of the dish and hoping Daehwan won’t notice.  “I hoped you’d like it here… everything I found told me this place has the hottest food in our whole district…”_

_“I love it!”  Daehwan exclaims, eating something Chanyul’s certain would burn a hole straight through the stomach lining of any normal human._

_Chanyul grins, face flushing partially from Daehwan’s reaction, partially from the food that he could swear just performed a tracheotomy on his own throat._

_And Daehwan notices that.  Because Daehwan always notices everything about him._

_“But do you?”  Daehwan asks between bites, gesturing with his chopsticks at the food when Chanyul takes a while to answer.  “Like the food, I mean?”_

_Chanyul tries to take a bite that matches the size of the ones Daehwan’s been taking, and immediately coughs as the food touches the back of his throat.  “T-totally.”_

_“You know, we didn’t have to eat here if you don’t like the food…”_

_“No, no, I like it.  I really do.  If you like it, then I like it.”_

_Daehwan looks unsure, but he smiles as he starts picking out pieces of chicken that look the least spicy to himself and placing them on Chanyul’s plate._

 

Joonyoung has tastes very similar to Daehwan (in both food and weird sex things) so he’s just as enamored with the food as Daehwan is.  Hadon’s barely awake, so it’s impossible to tell if he’s even aware as to how unbelievably hot the food is.  Youngjin and Eddy eat carefully, fully aware of how dangerous the meal in front of them is. And Chanyul hears Eddy warning his boyfriend about the spice level of their food (at least, he says something in English, and slowly, and he repeats the same words over and over again to make sure Henry understands, so he’s assuming that’s what he must be doing), so Mak hardly touches anything.

 

And because Daehwan looks so happy with the food, Chanyul tries to calm himself down a little bit.  Daehwan’s happiness always helps him calm down.  At least until the rest of the members finally notice the group at the table next to them.

 

They’re seated next to a table of girls about their age (well, excluding Joonyoung, but it’s not like anybody’s going to point that out unless they feel like getting their eyes clawed out).  Chanyul had noticed when they came in, maybe because of what happened last time, and had tried to pull up his coat collar and hide his face and not make eye contact. 

 

_“Chanyul.”_

_Daehwan points over Chanyul’s shoulder, grinning as Chanyul turns his head to follow his hand with his eyes.  As he does so, he makes eye contact with some girls sitting behind them, who immediately giggle and divert their gaze._

_When Chanyul turns back, confused, Daehwan just nudges him knowingly.  “Chanyullie, they’re looking at you.  They like you.”_

_“How do you know?  Maybe they’re looking at you…”_

_Daehwan shakes his head, smiling ear to ear when Chanyul gives another quick glance backwards and is met with another round of giggles and blushing.  “Are you kidding?  It’s definitely you.  Why would anybody look at me when you’re here?”_

_Chanyul doesn’t have a response to that, mostly because he can’t understand.  He can’t think of anybody he’d rather look at more than Daehwan._

 

And maybe they didn’t notice him this time, but they definitely noticed the rest of their members.  He’s heard them whispering and giggling about their whole group the whole time (they don’t know who they are at least, but they think they’re tall and hot and why does this always happen?) and he’s tried so hard to ignore it. 

 

And up until this moment, he was actually really thankful (instead of the usual anxiousness about someone slipping up, someone making a mistake, someone getting them all caught) that everyone in their group is so generally uninterested in females (beyond fans of course), because they’re really good at not picking up on signals from girls.

 

But Hadon has to mumble something that makes Youngjin laugh his low, incredibly loud laugh, and the girls beside them giggle nearly as loudly in response, and that makes Youngjin notice.  And Youngjin is so incredibly awkward when it comes to being around girls that aren’t fans, so this makes him nervous, and he has to point out the girls to Joonyoung (he always talks to Joonyoung when he doesn’t know what to do),  and Joonyoung has to subtly point them out to everybody.

 

Why couldn’t he have just told Hadon?  Or maybe everyone beyond Eddy and Henry. 

 

Eddy isn’t really the problem; he’s absolutely awful and awkward around girls.  But Eddy points them out to Henry.  And Henry is not quite a train-wreck when it comes to girls, but nearly.  A near train-wreck with no self-awareness that you don’t want to watch and you definitely don’t want to be associated with but you can’t look away from no matter how hard you try.

 

He doesn’t understand why Eddy tells Mak.  Maybe Henry asked him about what everyone else was talking about.  Maybe Eddy thought that since they aren’t arguing right now, Mak wouldn’t be a douche and start flirting with the girls a table away. 

 

Honestly, Chanyul has no idea why Henry always does this.  He’s good with fans, but completely terrible around other girls.  He can’t even speak enough Korean to properly communicate with any girls he meets, and it’s not like he isn’t spoken for.  He’s got Eddy, _somehow_ , and Eddy’s getting considerably less impressed with every wink Mak delivers at the group of blushing females next to them. 

 

Please, please, not this again, don’t make them come over here…

 

_“Chanyul.”_

_Daehwan’s voice is still playful, but this time there’s an edge of warning in the way he says his friend’s name.  Chanyul turns around again, and nearly jumps out of his seat when he stares up into the eyes of a girl.  One of the girls that was sitting at the table behind him._

_She’s pretty, he guesses.  Long hair and pale skin and small-faced and thin, short and sweet, tiny skirt and knee socks, modest and saccharine, probably anything any guy should want._

_But Chanyul really just wants her to go away._

_He can’t even understand the words that are coming out of her mouth, she’s speaking so formally and politely and she’s smiling so cutely and hopefully but that’s all he gets out of the situation, the words are all blurring together in his mind, indistinct and muddled, and it’s getting really hot suddenly and can’t she just-_

_“-and, I mean, it’s only if you want to, but I think we might really get along…”_

_Her cute smile starts to fade when Chanyul just sits there and stares blankly at her._

_“Chanyul, she’s asking for your number.”  Daehwan leans across the table and whispers in Chanyul’s ear, smiling politely at the girl in front of them on Chanyul’s behalf._

 

_“But… but… I-I… I d-don’t…”  Chanyul stutters, pauses, watches the girl’s face fall even more._

_He doesn’t want this, he doesn’t want to be mean, he knows he’s coming across as such a jerk to both her and Daehwan.  But he really just wants her to go away, and he doesn’t know how to handle this, and why does this always happen to him…_

_But Daehwan comes to his rescue._

_“Sorry, my friend’s just too polite to say this, but he already has a girlfriend.”_

_The girl nods, embarrassed but understanding, and Chanyul gives her a shaky shrug and dips his head politely.  “S-sorry…”_

But the opposite happens.  Mak starts to stand up, and Eddy gives him this absolutely scathing look, and he’s not seriously going to over there, is he? 

 

Apparently not, Henry mumbles something about the bathroom and Eddy gives a sigh of relief to know that his boyfriend isn’t so douchey that he’d go and flirt with some random girls while they’re all out on a group date.

 

But he is douchey enough that he gets distracted by the girls the minute he starts to walk in the direction of the washroom.  He gives them a playful wave as he passes behind Chanyul, not looking where he’s going, and he walks straight into a waiter carrying a tray full of food. 

 

Of course, this food ends up not all over Mak or the waiter, but dumped on Chanyul’s head instead.

 

Chanyul doesn’t exactly register what’s happened at first.  All he knows is that one second he’s sitting there, watching Daehwan eat because that’s the only thing that hasn’t been a complete failure so far, and the next second he’s covered from head to toe in vegetables and chicken and bright red sauce full of chili seeds.

 

He’s pretty sure the noise around him is mostly Henry apologizing profusely to both him and the waiter combined with a collective gasp from everyone else in the restaurant, but he can’t actually hear all that well because he’s also pretty sure that there’s chili oil in his ears.

 

He’s not entirely sure how he ends up in the restaurant’s bathroom with Joonyoung forcing his head under the sink and Daehwan trying to carefully peel off his jacket.

 

“We’re going to be so lucky if your hair doesn’t stain red…”  Joonyoung’s muttering, running his long fingers through Yul’s hair and doing his very best to get the sauce out, and Yul’s not certain if the eldest member even has any feeling in his hands because the water starts out freezing cold but quickly changes to burning hot against his scalp.

 

Chanyul tries to push back on the hand keeping his head down, but Joonyoung’s grip on his hair is strong and water keeps getting in his mouth and his eyes and he’s choking and spluttering and tears are forming in his eyes (partially from the hot sauce that’s now being rinsed into his face too), and honestly, he can wash his own hair himself and he doesn’t need Joonyoung doing it for him, or touching his hair, or touching him at all right now…

 

“Joonyoung-hyung... Joonyoung?”  Daehwan taps insistently on the eldest’s shoulders, trying to pass him Chanyul’s jacket.  “I think his hair’s going to be okay now, but this jacket… I think you’re the only person here who could possibly save it…”

 

That gets Joonyoung to stop drowning Chanyul.  Appeals to his knowledge of clothing are always his weakness, and he takes the coat from Daehwan, muttering something under his breath about how dumb Henry is and how impossible it is to remove stains like this from wool, mercifully giving them both some space as he moves to another sink and starts wringing the coat out. 

 

“T-thanks…”  Chanyul croaks as Daehwan passes him some paper towels, helping him dry off his hair and wipe sauce from his arms. 

 

“No problem.”  Chanyul has no idea how Daehwan’s still managing to smile, although this is the closest they’ve come to being alone so far, so maybe that’s got something to do with it.  “It’s too bad about your outfit though, I thought you looked really great.”

 

Yul blinks some water out of his eyes, finally getting a good look at himself in the mirror, and his stomach twists up into knots at the sight.  He’d tried so hard to look good for Daehwan, and now his shirt’s got bright red stains all down the front and his jeans are speckled with red splatters and his skin is wet and his bleached hair that he’d spent so long trying to style is soppy and hanging in his eyes and admittedly kind of pink in places.

 

Why?  Why can’t he just have one nice thing?  Why can’t he be allowed to sit next to Daehwan, why can’t he be allowed to look nice for Daehwan, why can’t he be allowed to just be alone with Daehwan tonight, why-

 

“But you also look great now.”  Daehwan grins, winking, leaning in close to press his nose to the back of Chanyul’s neck and inhaling briefly before pulling away.  “And you smell great.  I can’t wait to find out if you taste great too.”

 

Chanyul’s too shy to respond to that with Joonyoung nearby, so Daehwan just smiles as he finishes drying Yul off and they leave the bathroom when Joonyoung hands Chanyul back an amazingly stain-free but also dripping wet coat.

 

Chanyul doesn’t have an appetite for the rest of the time they spend at the restaurant.  Instead he just sits there and smiles stiffly at the other members, reassuring them through gritted teeth that he’s not upset, that he likes having his pores clogged up with chili oil, that he’s totally okay with smelling like spicy food for the next couple of weeks, that their repeated and unnecessary questions don’t bother him at all, that he really wouldn’t prefer that everyone beyond Daehwan just stopped talking to him entirely.

 

He does get some time relatively alone with Daehwan as they leave the restaurant, mostly because Daehwan knows Chanyul’s plans for the night and tugs him along with him to the front of the group, setting them off down a familiar path.  Daehwan sees him shivering and strips his wet coat from his shoulders, replacing it with his own.

 

“Don’t do that, you’ll freeze…”  Chanyul murmurs as he shrugs the garment closer across his chest, and it’s nice and warm and smells like Daehwan and it helps with both the kinds of shaking he has going on right now (the cold shaking and the angry shaking).

 

“Not as much as you will, walking around in wet clothes...”  Daehwan gives his shoulder a short reassuring squeeze.  “I’ll be fine.  Seriously.”

 

“I’m sorry, Daehwan… this whole thing has been even worse this time…”

 

Daehwan laughs quietly as he flicks some wet strands of hair behind Yul’s ear.  “I don’t know about that… at least I didn’t have to reject anybody for you this time.”

 

_“Okay, I’m not trying to be rude, but… why do you always do that?”_

_They’re on their way back to their dorm, walking close enough together on the sidewalk that Daehwan’s shoulder rubs up against Chanyul’s.  It’s getting even colder; snowflakes are starting to fall, dusting their hair and their shoulders and the concrete in front of them._

_“Do what?”  Chanyul’s too distracted by the way snowflakes land and melt on Daehwan’s pink lips and the tip of his nose to really focus on his words._

_“You know, pretty often, when we go somewhere together, you kind of get asked out by a girl.  And you kind of always turn them down.  Even when they’re kind of perfect, like the girl tonight.  What was wrong with her?”_

_Chanyul shrugs.  “Not my type, I guess.”_

_“Not your type?!  What exactly is your type, then?”_

_“I don’t know… nice girls, I guess…”_

_Daehwan lets his mouth fall open into a little round circle as he stares at his friend in disbelief.  “Was she not nice?  She looked pretty nice to me!”_

_No.  No, no, no, no, no…_

_This is the worst way this night could possibly go.  It’s already been such a disaster, he’s done everything wrong… how is he supposed to ask what he was going to ask after this conversation?_

_“Uh… girls are… strange.”_

_Daehwan laughs, looking up thoughtfully at the sky, sticking out his tongue and trying to catch some stray snowflakes.  “That’s true, I guess.  Why don’t they ever like guys with round faces?  They always like guys with handsome faces like yours… but I think more people should like guys with round faces.”_

_And before Chanyul knows what he’s doing, he’s grabbed the arm of Daehwan’s coat and he’s turning Daehwan to face him and Daehwan’s just smiling and laughing like it’s a joke, but…_

_“I’ve always liked guys with round faces the best.”_

_The words are out of his mouth before he can think about them, and maybe if he’d said it with a grin or a laugh it wouldn’t have made Daehwan’s small eyes widen or his mouth drop open again…_

 

“That’s true, I guess… but still, I’m so sorry…”

 

Daehwan shakes his head, gripping Chanyul’s wrist suddenly, spinning him around, not caring that the rest of their members are right there watching them.

 

“Chanyul, look at where we are… remember what happened here?”

 

_Daehwan’s still just staring at him, eyes as big as Chanyul’s ever seen them, but the longer they stand there, the more Daehwan’s lips start to curve into an uncertain smile.  “Chanyul… what are you-”_

 

_And Daehwan’s smiling, right?  So that’s a good sign, right?  And Chanyul’s been so nervous for so long, and he’s wanted to ask him for so long, since they first met he’s known, and it’s been killing him not to ask, there’s nothing he’s ever wanted more… and… and… and… oh, fuck it._

_Chanyul decides to do the most daring thing he’s done in his entire life._

_He glances around the street quickly, spots an alleyway right behind them, and Daehwan’s mouth falls open again as Chanyul grips the arms of his coat and pushes him backwards._

_And Daehwan lets him.  He doesn’t say a single word as Chanyul drives him in reverse, only letting out a soft breath when his back hits the cool wall of one of the buildings lining the alley._

_They share a short moment of eye contact, and Chanyul doesn’t know what the expression Daehwan’s making is, and he’s shaking and sweating and he’s never been more unsure of anything in his life, but he’s already gotten this far._

_Daehwan doesn’t pull away when Chanyul leans in to press their lips together gently.  Daehwan’s lips are soft and wet from the snowflakes and perfect against his and he’d probably be okay with staying like this forever if he could._

_But Chanyul also has no idea what he’s doing, and is he supposed to move his lips, or is Daehwan, or what exactly is happening here, and oh my god he didn’t even ask him if this was okay, and…_

_“Shit, Daehwan, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I never should have… I shouldn’t have…”  Chanyul reels backwards, covering his mouth, his burning cheeks, he’s so embarrassed, he’s probably just ruined one of the only true friendships he’s ever had, all because he’s so stupid…_

_Daehwan’s eyes flicker open, and Chanyul didn’t even realize that he had closed them while they were kissing, and he raises both eyebrows at Chanyul.  “What are you sorry for this time?”_

_“For… for… for…”  Chanyul stutters as Daehwan reaches out slowly, touching the tips of his fingers to Chanyul’s cheek._

_“For this?”  Daehwan’s eyes somehow glint even in the dark of the alleyway as he traces down Chanyul’s skin to cup his jaw and pulls Chanyul in until Chanyul’s lips are against his again._

 

“Of course I remember…”  Chanyul almost smiles as Daehwan spins him in front of a very familiar alleyway.

 

Daehwan grins as he gives Chanyul one more twirl, and Chanyul nearly feels truly happy for the first time tonight.  At least, until Joonyoung’s nasal voice grates in his ears.

 

“What are you guys doing, exactly?  Can’t we just get home?”  He whines, grabbing the collar of Daehwan’s coat (the one currently on Chanyul) and wrenching him away from Daehwan. 

 

Yul nearly bites another hole in his lip as he manages to repress his urge to tell Joonyoung exactly what he thinks of him and his long cold fingers as he’s pulled away from his boyfriend.  Joonyoung decides not only to separate them, but also to replace Daehwan.  He cuddles up to Chanyul’s side for the rest of the walk back to their dorm, and Chanyul swears that if he makes it through this night without snapping it might be the greatest achievement of his life.  Well, beyond getting Daehwan.  Nothing can top that.

 

When they finally make it home, everyone, surprisingly, kind of leaves them alone.  Joonyoung’s cold and he needs some “warming up” (his words, directed at Hadon), and after grabbing what looks like candles and a lighter from the kitchen, he drags Hadon off to their room to make good on their belated Valentine’s plans.   Henry and Eddy look only too happy to be able finally get to bed, and Eddy literally carries Mak off to his room.  Youngjin holes himself up in his room to call his parents, and while nobody helps Daehwan and Chanyul take the dogs outside or lock up all the pets in the pet nursery/office for the night, they are at least swiftly and mercifully left alone to do these chores.  For once.

 

“Hey, Chanyul?”  Chanyul looks up as he notices the force lifting the other side of the couch disappear and he has to let his side fall back to the floor (they have to move the furniture out of the way to set up their mattress).  “You gonna be alright?”

 

“Yeah, of course, why wouldn’t I be?”

 

“Well, I’ve kind of been hearing you grinding your teeth together all night…”

 

“I’m fine.”  Chanyul grips the edge of the couch again, hinting at Daehwan to help him move it.  “I love having all our plans ruined, walking around in the cold for ages, missing the movie you really wanted to see, having Youngjin yelling in my ear all night, letting Joonyoung nearly drown me, everybody touching me all the time, not getting to spend a second alone with you, having the spiciest food in the world dumped all over me… speaking of which, I should probably have a shower before we sleep…”

 

Daehwan walks around the couch, sneaking his arms around Chanyul’s waist from behind, nuzzling his nose into Chanyul’s shoulder (at least they both changed into comfortable sleeping clothes, but the smell of chili is still just as strong).  “You should wait on that shower… you really do smell great.”

 

“Daehwan, what are you doing…?”  Chanyul sighs as Daehwan starts to press his lips to the back of his neck, pulling the collar of his baggy pyjama shirt to the side so he can press slow kisses to his bare skin. 

 

Daehwan laughs, spinning Chanyul around in his arms so he can kiss the tip of his nose.  “Kissing you.  Isn’t that obvious?”

 

“But-” Chanyul’s cut off when Daehwan captures his lips with his own, sliding the hands he had on Chanyul’s waist upwards, up his back, up his shoulders, up until they’re buried in his still slightly pink-tinged hair. 

 

“I’m just trying to make things more accurate…”

 

_Sihoo’s still up when they make it back to their dorm, and Chanyul’s flustered from the cold, and the kissing, and the fact that Daehwan squeezed his hands right before he told him they should get home and out of the cold and out of that alleyway, and just the way Daehwan grinned at him for the entire walk back.  Daehwan also didn’t say anything on the way back, but he kept smiling and smiling and smiling and it made Chanyul smile back genuinely, and openly, and he doesn’t think he’s ever smiled like that before in his life, and even though he’s not sure what this means, what exactly they are now, Daehwan kissed him back, Daehwan kissed him back, Daehwan kissed him back…_

_“You guys have a fun night out?”  Sihoo looks up briefly from where he’s holed up on their one couch with his laptop._

_“Totally.”  Daehwan grins, placing his hands on Chanyul’s lower back, pushing him subtly in the direction of their shared room._

_Sihoo pauses whatever he was watching, giving the pair a much more scrutinizing glance this time around, doing a double-take when he notices how flushed and just plain happy both of his younger members look._

_Chanyul freezes in fear as Sihoo’s eyes pass them both over.  He’s not sure what to do, does Sihoo already suspect what’s happened between them?  Maybe he just thinks they went out drinking, maybe he thinks they ran back to the dorm because it was cold, and oh god, how are they possibly going to keep whatever they are a secret from their leader, especially when they all live together-_

_“But we’re really tired now, and I think we want to go to bed… right, Chanyul?”  Daehwan pushes harder at him, and Chanyul nods slowly in agreeance, hoping beyond hope that they don’t look as suspicious as they sound._

_Sihoo only looks skeptical for a second, before he shrugs, hitting the spacebar on his laptop.  “Okay, sleep well then.  Glad you had fun.”_

_They’re nearly through and out of the living room without further incident when Sihoo turns his head and calls out over his shoulder.  “Just… be careful, alright?”_

_He gives them a wink, and then they’re in their room, and the door is closed, and he’s not entirely sure what Sihoo meant by that but Daehwan doesn’t seem bothered by it so that’s a problem for another time.  Now they’re alone, and in private, and Chanyul doesn’t know what to do, what to say, just stands there near the door, staring at Daehwan, too nervous to smile now that they’re truly alone and not outside and there’s no chance somebody could be watching._

_What if Daehwan changed his mind, what even is there to change his mind about, he never even asked him anything… Oh wow, he’s such an idiot, he never even asked what he meant to ask, what kind of asshole just kisses somebody without asking them that first, why did he have to just skip ahead and-_

_“Well, aren’t you going to kiss me again?”  Daehwan grins, tapping his friend lightly on the tip of his nose to get his attention._

_“I, uh… do you want me to?”_

_“Of course I do.  You’re my boyfriend now, aren’t you?”_

_Chanyul’s taken aback even though he knows he shouldn’t be surprised at all.  This was one of the reasons he fell for Daehwan in the first place; his ability to know what he wants to say and ask without him ever having to say or ask it at all._

_“Or are you the kind of guy that just kisses people and never asks them out?  Because that’s rude if you are, Kim Chanyul…”  Daehwan’s eyes are curved up into crescents, and his grin is so big that Chanyul can see it clearly even though they never bothered to turn on the lights in their room._

_“N-no, I meant to ask before I kissed you, but I just… I’m sorry…”_

_“How about you kiss me again to make up for it?”_

_“I would, but I’m… not very good at kissing…”  Daehwan cocks his head questioningly, indicating for Chanyul to explain, and it’s embarrassing because he’s so old and this really shouldn’t be the thing but it is and he just wants Daehwan to have good things and he’s really doesn’t have any experience with this at all. “You, just then, you were, uh… my first kiss, and I…”_

_Daehwan only looks surprised for a second as he trails off, and then there’s hands on Chanyul’s face again, hands that feel perfect and right against his clammy skin, hands that stop him from shaking, hands that guide him closer to Daehwan, until Daehwan’s lips are just barely brushing up against his left ear._

_“Well, I thought that it was an amazing kiss, but if you want, I could show you a few things…”_

 

“You really have gotten much better at kissing since then.”  Daehwan grins as he pulls away, hands still curling into Chanyul’s hair, playing with the golden (and pink) strands, massaging at his scalp, pushing and pulling and kneading.

 

“Excuse me, I think you said I was amazing back then…”  Chanyul’s slightly out of breath, slightly off-kilter, starting to reach for Daehwan, managing a quick peck to Daehwan’s puffy lips before he gets his retort.

 

“And you were.  But there’s always room for improvement…”

 

That’s as far their conversation goes, because Daehwan’s lips are on his again, and this time he seems determined not to let them part for any small-talk or teasing. 

 

Daehwan is so good, so right against him.  He feels absolutely perfect, in baggy boxers and an old shirt that’s full of holes and has anime characters printed on the front (all Chanyul remembers about that show is that he kind of slept through most of it), he can feel the muscles of Daehwan’s back shifting under his hands, he can feel the juts of his own hipbones grinding against Daehwan’s, and he can’t imagine anybody else ever taking Daehwan’s place.

 

The best part is that Daehwan makes him start to forget.  He starts to forget Joonyoung and how he wouldn’t stop touching him and grabbing him and holding him, he starts to forget Youngjin and how he clutched at his hips and yelled in his ear all night, he starts to forget Eddy and how he mumbled under his breath about how stupid Prince is for most of the evening, he starts to forget Henry dumping food all over him and stealing Daehwan’s ball, and even though Hadon was the only one who didn’t piss him off entirely tonight, just the fact that he was there at all is enough for Yul to feel some resentment towards their maknae, so he starts to forget him too.

 

He really starts to forget when Daehwan pushes him down onto the couch they had been trying to lift just minutes earlier, Daehwan splaying his thighs wide and straddling his lap before cupping his face in hands and kissing down hard into Chanyul’s waiting mouth. 

 

“I don’t think… I don’t think…”  It’s hard to get the words out when Daehwan’s lips are on his own and his tongue is tracing along Chanyul’s bottom lip.  “I don’t think we did this the first time…”

 

“Oh… I didn’t think we needed to stick to the original course of events that closely…”  Daehwan pouts, a wicked gleam in his eyes as he takes this opportunity to scootch forward in Chanyul’s lap, rolling his hips downwards, eliciting a strangled moan from Chanyul beneath him.  “But I can stop if you want to…”

 

Chanyul shakes his head hurriedly, provoking a short laugh from Daehwan before both of their lips are occupied again.  He’s quickly getting hot and hard under Daehwan, and he’s just starting to play with the hem of Daehwan’s shirt with the goal of getting it up and over his head, when he feels somebody else’s breath on the back of his neck.

 

“Holy shit, Youngjin!”  Chanyul doesn’t really mean to shove Daehwan off his lap and onto the floor, but Youngjin spooks him so badly he can’t help but jump to his feet.

 

“You guys busy?”  Youngjin grins, a big toothy smile that splits his face from ear-to-ear, and Chanyul’s never hit anybody in his entire life, but he’s definitely considering having his first experience with punching somebody in the nose sometime really soon.

 

“Oh no, not at all…”  Chanyul mutters, reaching down apologetically to help Daehwan to his feet.

 

“Good, good, I’m just getting a snack, don’t mind me…”  Youngjin hums to himself as he waltzes over to the adjoining kitchen, rummaging through the fridge without any awareness at all of what an insufferable douche he’s being.

 

Chanyul isn’t even aware of how loudly he’s grinding his teeth together as he watches Youngjin start flinging things at random onto the kitchen counter.

 

“Chanyul, it’s okay, we can just…”  Daehwan tugs at the sleeve of Chanyul’s shirt while trying to rearrange his own shirt over his crotch.

 

But then Eddy and Henry walk in too, and Yul tears off a big chunk of the skin lining the inside of his cheek.

 

“Oh my god, we could really use some food!”  Eddy announces (not that anybody asked), hair ruffled and sweat shining on every visible inch of his skin (there’s a lot, he’s in a really tight black tank top and boxers and nothing else), and he’s followed much too closely by a very smug looking Henry who’s taking occasional swipes at his boyfriend’s round ass.

 

Daehwan frowns as more members crowd into the kitchen/living room/their bedroom. “Chanyullie, your mouth, you’re bleeding from your mouth again…”

 

And Chanyul tries.  He tries so hard to be Yul, perfect angel Yul, Yul who’s quiet and shy (the only true part of his whole stage persona) and gentlemanly and who exudes perfect boyfriend material and who has a beautiful and sincere smile, the Yul who has lots of things and people who genuinely make him smile.  He tries so hard to smile that stage smile as he watches Henry and Eddy and Youngjin interrupt the one romantic moment he’s managed to have with Daehwan this entire night, but it comes out super lopsided and forced and kind of bloody.

 

And he almost manages to stay Yul, almost manages to just smile and say nothing, just like he always does, just like he always will do.

 

But Joonyoung has to walk in too, dragging a nearly unconscious Hadon behind him, and they smell like massage oil and sex, and why does everybody else get to have sex when they don’t, and why the hell is Joonyoung padding towards him open arms?

 

He loses it somewhere between Joonyoung’s voice slurring “Chanyullieeeeeeeeeeee!” and Joonyoung’s thin bronze arms flinging around his neck and pulling him into a tight embrace.

 

“Stop _touching_ me!”  Chanyul yells. 

 

Well, he thinks he yells.  It kind of comes out as a shrill screech that makes Joonyoung’s mouth fall open and Hadon crack his eyes open and Youngjin freeze on the spot and Eddy drop a jar of something on the kitchen floor and Mak stop grabbing Eddy’s ass for a solid second.

 

“Chanyul, it’s-”  Daehwan tries to stop him, but Chanyul’s been so angry for so long that it’s going to take a lot more than just his name to calm him down.

 

And the rest of the members have never even heard Chanyul raise his voice before, much less scream at anybody, so they’re much too shocked to stop him.

 

“C-couldn’t we j-just have had one night alone?”  It’s hard for him, he’s shaking and he’s stumbling over words but he needs them to know, he needs them to understand, he needs them to stop, stop, stop, leave him alone, _stop_ …  “A-all I wanted… all I wanted was to do something right for once, but you j-just couldn’t let me!”

 

“Chanyul, we didn’t mean-” Joonyoung finally lets go of him, backing away slowly.

 

“No, shut up!  You are n-not going to i-interrupt me this time!  Why can’t you ever give us any space?”  Chanyul’s eyes are starting to burn, angry tears beading up in the corners.  “I-I hate that you touch me all the time without even asking, I h-hate that you think it’s okay to just walk in here when we’re trying to sleep, I hate that you just l-l-l-l-let the animals walk all over us and all of our stuff, I hate that you always shout over Daehwan and that you literally n-never listen to me, and I hate that you’re all _so fucking loud_!”

 

“Chanyul, we didn’t know-”

“Shut up!  Shut up!  Shut up!”  Youngjin flinches at the way Chanyul practically screams at him, clamping his mouth shut and not saying another word.  “You never listen, so of course you didn’t know!  I just wanted to give Daehwan what he d-deserves for once, I just wanted to show him that I’m not a screw-up, that there’s n-nothing wrong with me, that I can do things right!  But you all had to _ruin it_!” 

 

As he runs out of steam he becomes slowly aware of his surroundings again, and beyond the blood pounding in his ears and the sound of his own ragged breathing he realizes that there’s not a single sound in the room, that everyone’s completely speechless as they stare at him like he’s lost it, and no… no, no, no, no, he did lose it, didn’t he?

 

“Uh… I… I… I…”  He can’t do it, his mouth can’t form words anymore, he can’t say anything else, he can’t stand the way everyone’s looking at him, he can’t be in the room any longer.

 

So he turns on his heels and practically runs from the room, not able to even look at Daehwan, not even capable of trying to imagine the expression he must be making right now, and he goes to the one place he knows he’ll be left alone.

 

Which is stupid, because it’s winter and it’s freezing and he normally hates it up here because it’s always raining or snowing or the sun’s too bright or it is like it is right now, below zero with blistering winds that blow snowflakes into his eyes and his hair.  To top it off, he’s only wearing sweatpants and socks and a thin baggy shirt (at least it has long sleeves) that he uses for pyjamas and he’s shivering and his teeth are chattering within seconds.

 

But nobody else beyond Daehwan ever comes up to the roof in the winter, so he knows he’ll be left alone here. 

 

And he deserves it.  He deserves to be cold, he deserves to feel the way the wind cuts through his clothing and freezes the skin beneath, he deserves to suffer.

 

Because he snapped.  He hasn’t snapped in such a long time.  He thought he was getting better, that he was managing his feelings better, that he was getting to be more social and more comfortable around other people and that he was finally starting to be able to act like the idol he tries so hard to be. 

 

But none of that’s true, he guesses.  He’s not getting better, he’s never going to be able to be around others without his stomach twisting painfully and his heart pounding wildly in his chest and the stuttering and the shaking and he’s never going to be able to smile and look like he really means it and he’s never ever _ever_ going to be able to do anything right for Daehwan.

 

The angry tears that have been threatening to spill for a while now finally overflow, and he sinks down until he’s sitting on the cold hard concrete of the roof, hugging his knees to his chest as he lets thin lines of tears track down his face.

 

Why?  Why couldn’t he just have had one night?  Just one night alone, just one night with the chance to do things right this time, just one night where things go according to plan and he can finally make Daehwan happy?

 

If they’d just given him that, if they’d just let him do things right this time, then he would’ve been able to hold it all in, he would have kept all the things he didn’t like, he could’ve kept all his frustrations to himself, and he never would’ve yelled at them, he never would’ve told them about all the things that they do that he hates, he never would have given them any cause to not like him, and shit, they probably all hate him now and they’d be right to do so, and he’s probably screwed up even more friendships and-

 

“Chanyul?”  The door to the roof creaks open and then Daehwan’s poking his head out, voice so soft that it’s almost lost in the wind and the swirling snowflakes.  “It’s cool if you want to be alone, but I thought you might need these…”

 

Daehwan steps out slowly into the cold, extending a thick coat and a familiar pair of gloves to Chanyul, who doesn’t make any effort to move from his spot on the ground.  So Daehwan drapes the coat carefully around his shoulders and places the gloves gently in his lap before lowering himself to the cold concrete.

 

“Is it okay if I sit with you?”

 

Chanyul nods, still hugging his knees and ignoring the gloves.  They sit in silence for a while, Chanyul only moving once to wipe the trails of tears off his cheeks because he never wants Daehwan to see him like this even though it’s much too late for that now.  Otherwise he keeps his eyes stubbornly focused on his own knees,  not wanting to look at Daehwan, not wanting to see whatever kind of look he’s giving him, not wanting to see the pity and the disappointment, the regret that he ever decided to be with a mess like him…

 

But Daehwan’s voice is just deep and quiet when he finally speaks up.  “Hey, Chanyul?”

 

“Yeah?”  Chanyul whispers back, still not daring to look at his boyfriend’s face.

 

“I had a really good time tonight.”  Daehwan says simply, and Yul peeks at him out of the corners of his stinging eyes.

 

“Don’t lie.”

 

“I’m not.  I don’t lie to you.”

 

“How could you have a good time?  Everything went wrong.  Again.” 

 

Daehwan puts his hands behind his head, leaning back and looking up at the sky, letting the snowflakes fall right onto his face.  “But I got to be with you.  So it was good.”

 

“But nothing went right!  I just wanted to make up for everything that went wrong on our first date, I just wanted to do it right this time… I just wanted to do things right for you…”

 

Daehwan laughs, just a little.  Not enough to be cruel, not enough to make it seem like he’s laughing at Chanyul, he just kind of chuckles to himself as he blinks away the snowflakes that are sticking to his eyelashes.

 

“Chanyul, I know you care about that kind of stuff… but I never have.  I’m just happy that I get the chance to be with you.  I thought our first date was great, I thought this one was great, I’ll think any date we ever go on is great…”

 

Chanyul shakes his head, rubbing his eyes on the fabric of his sweatpants, trying to tuck his frozen feet underneath himself.  “But I did everything wrong, I couldn’t get us any time alone, and I had to… to… completely freak out…”

 

“I’m not sure if that’s exactly what happened…”

 

“No, it is, it is!”  Chanyul’s voice is coming out raspy and pained, and he lets his hair fall into his eyes as he tries to control his breathing and fails miserably.  “I freaked out, and now the guys all hate me and think there’s something wrong with me, and it’s all my fault, I always have to ruin everything and-”

 

“They don’t hate you.”

 

Chanyul nearly laughs, instead letting a weird choked rush of air leave his lungs.  “Of course they do, I basically told them all that I hate them…”

 

“No, you didn’t.  You just told them that they do things that you hate, which is...”  Daehwan pauses, chuckling for a second as he searches for a word, “…fair.”

 

“It’s not… I never should have said anything, they won’t understand…  I screamed at them, didn’t I?  Didn’t I?  They probably think there’s something wrong with me, they probably think I’m messed up, they p-probably think-”

 

“They don’t, Chanyul.  I think, if anything, they understand you a little bit better now.”

 

“H-how can they ever understand?  How can people like that e-ever understand what it’s like to be someone who has so many problems, who m-messes up everything, who can’t speak up for himself, who can’t do anything right, who has so many things wrong with them…?”

 

Chanyul’s shivering violently now, teeth clacking together fiercely as he shakes, it’s so hard to talk, so hard to make words, he hates it, he hates it, he hates that he showed other people these parts of himself tonight, he hates that Daehwan sees these things about him…

 

But Daehwan, as always, just smiles at him.

 

“I don’t know anybody that sounds like that at all.  I definitely don’t know anybody like that named Kim Chanyul.”  Daehwan reaches out slowly, touches one of Chanyul’s knees so gently, and when Yul doesn’t jump or flinch, he rubs slow circles across the fabric of his pants.  “The Kim Chanyul I know is sweet and kind, and maybe sometimes he can be a bit quiet, but that’s only because he doesn’t want people to think badly of him, because he doesn’t want to make anybody else unhappy…”

 

“Daehwan, you know that’s not…”

 

“And maybe he isn’t exactly _Yul_ , maybe he’s a little weird, maybe there’s something a little off with him, but he knows that I have my own weird issues too…”  Daehwan takes Chanyul’s hand gently, placing it on his thigh so Chanyul can feel the bumps and ridges of the welts beneath his pants, “…and he loves me anyways.”

 

“Daehwan…”

 

“And I love him too.  Just the way he is.”

 

Chanyul’s not sure if he pulls Daehwan to him or if it’s the other way around, but however it happens, he ends up with Daehwan’s arms wrapped tightly around his back and his face pressed into Daehwan’s shoulder.  As Daehwan holds him there silently he can feel his breathing start to level out, his heart starts to slow down to a more normal pace, and he can finally start to think again.  He’s still shaking, but now it’s just because he’s freezing.

 

“I know today was really hard for you, but… feeling any better?”  Daehwan asks, pulling back only slightly, tucking some of Chanyul’s hair back behind an ear. 

 

Chanyul nods slowly as Daehwan’s hand traces slowly from his ear to his cheek.  “A little bit, yeah… thanks to you.”

 

The arm Daehwan still has around his back pulls him a little bit closer.  “You’re still shaking though…”

 

”It’s because I’m c-c-cold!”  Chanyul finally thinks to pull on the gloves Daehwan had given him earlier, the same gloves from before, and they help a little bit, but definitely not enough to make him stop shivering.

 

“Hmm.”  Daehwan smiles as he tugs Chanyul upwards, guiding him until they’re both standing, all while planting little kisses along Yul’s face, kissing away the snowflakes that land on his cheeks and nose. 

 

He holds Chanyul close, sliding his hands under the coat he brought for him, under the flimsy shirt beneath, until he’s caressing the bare skin of his back and shoulders.  Daehwan moves his mouth down his face slowly, until he’s kissing down his jawline and lower, onto his neck, mapping out the thin column of his neck with his puffy lips.  Chanyul can’t do much right now but cling to Daehwan, rocking slowly with him, into him, letting out little gasps as damp warm lips pass over his adam’s apple.

 

“Daehwan…  Daehwan… what are you doing?” Yul barely manages to gasp out when Daehwan starts to sink to his knees, letting his hands fall to Chanyul’s hips.

 

Daehwan grins mischievously before planting a big open-mouthed kiss to the front of Chanyul’s sweatpants, one that makes Chanyul shudder and reach out blindly for something, anything, to ground himself with (Daehwan’s hair, in this case).  “Warming you up, of course.”

 

“B-but we’re outside, people might see…”

 

Daehwan smiles as he kisses along the shaft of Chanyul’s hardening cock through the fabric of his pants.  “It’s too dark out here for that… besides, this might be the only chance we get to be alone tonight!  You took me out on a nice date, now it’s my turn to do something nice for you.”

 

“I-isn’t it too c-cold, for, uh… _this_ though?”  Yul stutters as Daehwan drags the tip of his nose up the outline of his now full erection, prominent through the thin material of his pants.

 

“Not if we do it a certain way…”  Daehwan winks up at him as he teases with the waistband of his sweats, both playful and sinful on his knees in the dark, snowflakes bright against the dark browns of his hair.  “…that I’d be happy to demonstrate for you, if you want.”

 

And how could he ever not trust Daehwan?  Daehwan, who in all the time he’s known him, has never done anything beyond make him feel good? 

 

So he nods, and Daehwan gives him one big delighted smile before tugging Chanyul’s pants and underwear down just enough to expose his erection and nothing more.  There’s only the extremely unpleasant sensation of frigid air hitting the skin of his cock for a split-second, and then Daehwan’s mouth is on him, engulfing the entirety of his length in one swift movement. 

 

Daehwan’s lips are pressed firm against his pelvis before Chanyul can even begin to process what’s happening, and just the sensation of being engulfed whole nearly makes him lose it on the spot.  He has to bite his already tender lips to stop himself, and he knows he pulls much more roughly on Daehwan’s hair than he means to as he tries to steady himself (but that’s fine because Daehwan loves that). 

 

But it seems like it’s Daehwan’s plan to make him come as fast as possible, because he only draws his head back just enough so he can wrap a hand around the base of his cock, covering the exposed skin with the warm flesh of his hand, and then he starts to stroke him so hard and fast that Chanyul’s knees immediately buckle.

 

Daehwan looks so good like this, so hot, so debauched with his eyes heavy-lidded, his puffy lips stretched around him, with his round cheeks swollen outwards, jerking him into his mouth without a hint of shame.  But it’s the way he suddenly looks up into Yul’s eyes, giving him a wink and a particularly rough and perfect tug that makes him gasp sharply before shuddering and spilling into Daehwan’s mouth.

 

Daehwan keeps his mouth clamped around him while he orgasms, swallowing him down until he’s got nothing left to give, tucking Chanyul back into his pants as he slumps to his knees and rests his forehead on Daehwan’s shoulder. 

 

He rubs at Chanyul’s back while Chanyul tries to regain his breath, and when he speaks his smile is audible.  “Do you feel better now?”

 

“Y-yeah…”  Chanyul pants, turning his head just enough so he can press a breathless kiss to the side of Daehwan’s throat.  “My toes are still cold though.”

 

Daehwan laughs softly, lowly, and Chanyul can’t help but laugh back.  Up until Daehwan places his thumb under his chin and tilts his head upwards so their lips can meet for a slow, languid kiss.  Chanyul can taste himself on Daehwan’s lips, on his tongue, and it’s so lewd and gratifying combined with the familiar taste of his boyfriend, and if his toes didn’t feel like they might fall off sometime soon he’d be more than happy to spend the rest of the night out here with Daehwan’s tongue in his mouth.

 

And Daehwan seems to sense this, helping him to his feet once more, guiding him towards the door. 

 

“You ready?”  Daehwan’s smiling kindly, lovingly, somewhat concernedly, the unspoken “To face people again?” evident and understood by them both.

 

Chanyul just nods.  He actually does feel better.  His breathing is kind of ragged and his voice is kind of hoarse, his heart is working hard in his chest and he’s still trembling a bit, but all of those are in the best way possible.  His mind is quiet, and his hands would be still if he wasn’t on the verge of frostbite, and he’s accepted what he’s done.

 

He’s mentally preparing his apology, and he’d be willing to grovel if it meant the rest of the members would forgive him for his meltdown.  Maybe they won’t forgive him easily, but Daehwan had said that they don’t hate him, and Daehwan really wouldn’t ever lie to him.  But even if they do, he knows Daehwan still loves him, so he’ll get by somehow. 

 

So he’s definitely not prepared to see the rest of the members bowing for him when Daehwan shrugs off his coat and guides him back into the living room.  He’s also not prepared for the collective “we’re sorry” or the lack of touching and hugging that usually accompanies any sort of apology in their group.

 

“Y-you’re all sorry?”  Chanyul stutters, not understanding at all.  “But I… I… I was the one…”

 

Youngjin speaks up, voice booming at first, but he catches himself and even though he’s still practically shouting, he’s shouting more quietly than he usually does.  “Daehwan told us about you and uh… how you feel… and your plans, that you were trying to redo your first date-”

 

“-and that we all kind of ruined it.”  Eddy joins, grabbing Henry’s hand and tugging him to stand beside him.  “Especially us.”

 

Chanyul shakes his head slowly, still searching for words.  “N-no, you didn’t, I shouldn’t have-”

 

“No, we’re glad you told us.”  Joonyoung steps forward, reaching out for Chanyul, but he clasps his hands together before he actually touches him.  “We had no idea that we did so many things that made you so uncomfortable-”

 

“I can’t believe the rest of you seriously had no idea-” Hadon mutters under his breath, before Joonyoung whips around and slaps him in the side of the head.

 

“Yeah, well, maybe you should tell us things more often too, huh?”  Joonyoung frowns as Hadon rubs at his head, but he doesn’t look all that upset by the whole slapping thing.  “But really, Chanyul, even though we really wish you had told us about how unhappy you were earlier, we’re happy you finally did tell us.”

 

“And we know that it’s hard for you to tell us things sometimes, but we want you to know that you can tell us anything, anytime.  Especially if you’re upset.  Cool?”  Eddy smiles apologetically, and Henry echoes his “cool” from his side.

 

“Y-yeah.  Cool.”  Chanyul smiles shakily, and Eddy grins and gives him a thumbs-up.

 

“So, can we hug you?”  Joonyoung’s wringing his hands together, looking like he’s literally itching for some physical contact, but he _asks_.  For once, he asks first, and he waits for Chanyul’s answer, and Chanyul nods and lets Joonyoung fling arms around his neck and suddenly everyone’s hugging him but Daehwan’s there too, and this time it’s okay that everyone’s touching him.

 

Youngjin claps his hands together when he pulls away, pointing down the hallway, in the direction of his and Eddy’s room.  “We have a present for you guys!  Follow me!”

 

The present seems to consist of Eddy and Youngjin’s room.  Or… Youngjin’s bed?  Mind you, there are lit candles on the dressers and the clothes that are usually strewn all over the floor have been hidden away and there’s a whole bunch of cheap chocolate bars from the convenience store on the corner of their street arranged in a lopsided heart on one of the bedside tables and a suspicious bottle with a bow on it beside those.

 

“Since we kind of didn’t let you guys have any privacy, we figured we’d let you have this room tonight!  So you can have sex and stuff without anybody interrupting you!”  Youngjin grins from ear to ear, while Daehwan pulls a face beside him.

 

“Uh… thanks, but…”

 

“No, no, no, it’s totally cool, I already put fresh sheets on my bed and everything!  Eddy’s gonna stay in Prince’s room and I’ll stay with Joonyoung and Hadon, so it’s all fine!”

 

“Yeah, we understand that we totally ruined your chances for any romance, so we promise we’ll leave you guys alone for the rest of the night.  We won’t interrupt you again tonight.  Not even once.”  Eddy’s grin doesn’t fade when someone grabs his ass (Henry), and Henry climbs up Eddy’s shoulders and makes him piggyback him to his room.

 

“Come on, go enjoy!”  Joonyoung grabs both Hadon and Youngjin by their wrists and tries to lead them away too.  “There are lots of fun things for the three of us to do…”

 

Hadon mumbles something that sort of sounds like “come on, I still can’t feel my legs from the last time”, but Joonyoung manages to drag him away and suddenly Daehwan and Chanyul are about as alone as they ever have been here.  But this time they’ve got a bed.

 

Daehwan looks at Chanyul for a second before shrugging and pushing him gently into the room, closing the door behind them before taking a running start and flinging himself onto the bed, laughing when he bounces off the mattress then rolling onto his back and patting the space beside him. 

 

“Come join me.” Daehwan beckons at him, smile illuminated only by flickering candles.  “It doesn’t even smell too much like Youngjin, I swear.”

 

Chanyul laughs as he lets himself fall backwards onto the mattress, feeling a combination of near emotional exhaustion pooled with confusion and disbelief.  He’s also sort of weirded out that they’re in Youngjin and Eddy’s room and also kind of a lot turned on because they really are as alone as they ever have been and they’ve got a _real bed_.  “You’re right, it doesn’t.”

 

“Do you remember the last time we had a bed?  Or even a room with a door?”  Daehwan sits up just enough so he can recline on his elbows as he takes a good look around the room.

 

“I don’t think we’ve ever had an actual bed.  We did have a room with a door though.”

 

Daehwan chuckles as Yul starts moving all of Youngjin’s anime figurines that he can reach from the bed (mostly turning them around so they’re not facing the bed).  “What are you doing?”

 

“It’s creepy if they’re watching.”

 

“Creepier than the animals watching?”

 

 “Yeah.”

 

Daehwan just laughs as he kicks off his sweatpants and then chucks them gently at Yul’s head to get his attention.  “Why are you playing with those when you could be over here, playing with me?”

 

Chanyul crawls forward on the mattress, trying to make it to Daehwan, but when he does Daehwan slides his arms under his stomach, rolls him onto his back, and straddles his waist, giving Chanyul a triumphant grin as he does so. 

 

“I don’t remember doing anything like this on our first date…”  Chanyul says quietly, not sure whether to focus on the pressure created by the weight of Daehwan’s groin pressing down on his own or the way Daehwan’s hands start tracing down his chest until they reach the hem of his shirt.

 

“I didn’t hear you complaining about the accuracy of rooftop blowjobs while that was happening.”  Chanyul sits up on instinct as Daehwan works his shirt over his head and tosses it onto the floor behind them. 

 

“True.”  Chanyul shivers as his boyfriend leans down to press their lips together for one slow, deep kiss, moaning softly as he still tastes hints of himself in Daehwan’s mouth, before Daehwan pulls away and starts to trails kisses down his chin, his neck, his shoulders.

 

While Daehwan busies himself with using his mouth to outline the jutting ridges formed by Chanyul’s collarbones, Chanyul tries to rid Daehwan of his shirt too.  As he slowly tugs the hem of Daehwan’s shirt upwards, everything is just so different to him than it was on couch earlier.  Instead of causing him to forget the day’s previous events, every pass of Daehwan’s plump lips over his bones serves as a reminder that he still feels like he needs to make up for his earlier mistakes.

 

Daehwan looks surprised when he has to stop exploring Chanyul’s chest with his mouth because there’s fabric being lifted over his head, but he recovers quickly, shaking his bowlcut back into place before leaning back in Chanyul’s lap, lifting his arms high above his head, stretching out, showing off the planes of his torso in the candlelight.

 

Daehwan is so beautiful to him.  The one beautiful thing in his life.  He’s got every physical trait that Chanyul likes in a person.  Or maybe it’s just because he’s the person that he is that makes Chanyul like everything about how he looks.  He loves the contrast between the strength of his body and the fullness his face.  He loves the thickness of his torso and his arms (although they’ve both lost a lot of weight since they joined JJCC) compared with the softness of his facial features, he thinks he’s gorgeous and striking, the perfect opposite to his own sharp features and wiry body, and nobody else can even come close to completing him in the way Daehwan does. 

 

Chanyul sits up, shifting Daehwan back in his lap a little, hesitating slightly before gently grabbing Daehwan’s wrists and bringing them to his mouth.  He kisses deliberately along Daehwan’s tattoos, tracing the patterns of the ink with his lips, alternating slowly between his forearms.  He knows the designs by heart, doesn’t need the candlelight to know how to follow the way the ink curves around his wrists, but Daehwan seems surprised, eyes shining with interest in the dim light as they track every movement Chanyul makes.

 

When Chanyul trails his lips all the way up Daehwan’s left arm and starts to kiss across the tattoo on his chest, Daehwan lets out a soft little sigh and threads one of his hands into Chanyul’s hair, but Yul has to stop when Daehwan lets out a quiet “oh” and pulls back sharply on his head.

 

“Do you… like this?”  Chanyul asks hesitantly, withdrawing his hands from his boyfriend’s wrists. 

 

“Of course.”  Daehwan smiles, taking one of Yul’s hands and guiding it low on body, so he can feel exactly how aroused he is through the fabric of his boxers.

 

“Oh… I just, I thought you might not, because…”

 

As he trails off Daehwan’s smile just grows as he rolls his hips upwards into Yul’s palm deliberately.  “Chanyullie, it is different, for you… but I like it.  I really like it.”

 

Chanyul’s unsure, but Daehwan helps. 

 

He slides backwards off Yul’s lap, lying back across the mattress, pulling Yul forward with him and placing his hands on the waistband of his underwear and giving him a wink.  It takes Chanyul a few seconds to figure out what he wants, but when he does he starts to work the cloth slowly down legs well-toned from a love of marathon running. 

 

Daehwan lets out a low hiss when the fabric of the underwear passes over the top of his thighs, as Chanyul’s fingertips drag gently over the welts and bruises scattered around the strong muscle near his hips. 

 

“Do you need me… do you need me to… because I don’t know if I…”  Yul whispers, caressing a particularly red and swollen mark with the pad of one his thumbs, lining his other hand up with a set of bruises that match the shape of his fingers perfectly.

 

Daehwan props himself up on his elbows, searching Yul’s face until he finds his answer and smiles gently.  “I don’t need that.  Not tonight.  Tonight just you is enough.”

 

Chanyul nods, understanding, grateful for the quick peck Daehwan gives him before he helps him slide his boxers fully down and off of his legs.  Then Daehwan’s naked in front of him, aroused and smiling, spread out without shame, and Chanyul wants nothing more than to just worship the body in front of him.

 

Although he’s still not entirely sure how.  He’s not sure how he wants things to be, he just wants Daehwan to feel good, but he’s so used to Daehwan leading him in all things that they do.  He’s already done so much more on his own than he ever does, but Daehwan said that he likes it, and he sure looks like he likes it, so he’s just going to keep trying.

 

He crawls beside Daehwan, lying on his side and propping himself up on one elbow, placing his free hand back on the boom box tattooed across Daehwan’s chest, trailing his hand down his chest, across his abdomen, and then he hesitates only for a second before moves lower to grip Daehwan’s erection. 

 

He runs his hand slowly down the length, loving the heat and the weight, the way it fits in his hand.  But most of all, he loves the faces Daehwan makes as he strokes him.  Even though Daehwan’s eyelids are heavy and fluttering, his eyes follow Chanyul’s hand with fascination, and he’s scrunching his nose and sucking his bottom lip into his mouth each time Yul squeezes tight around the base of his cock.

 

Daehwan keeps his hips still as Chanyul jerks him, and when he comes Chanyul knows it’s because of him and him alone.  Daehwan brings a hand up to rest on Chanyul’s chin, tilting his head so he focuses on Daehwan’s face while he orgasms.  He stares directly into Yul’s eyes as he shudders, and his lips are wet and shiny as he mouths something that doesn’t make it to Chanyul’s ears, but Chanyul doesn’t need to hear it to know what Daehwan means.

 

“You did like that, right?”  Chanyul laughs silently when Daehwan, still catching his breath, rolls his eyes and gestures to his cum-coated stomach, before rolling onto his side and kissing Chanyul hard, kissing Chanyul hot, kissing Chanyul breathless.

 

They don’t spend too long like that, on their sides, hands in each other’s hair, lips sliding together messily, before Daehwan reaches over Chanyul, searching blindly for something on Youngjin’s bedside table, letting out a pleased hum when he finds it.

 

He presses the bottle with the ribbon (they could talk about how weird it is that the rest of the guys got them this as a present, but then again, the whole situation is weird in a nice way) up against Chanyul’s chest, letting him know what he wants next, and Chanyul needs guidance as he comes up for air.

 

“How do you…?”

 

“However you want.”  Daehwan waits until Chanyul’s got his fingers slicked up before he pulls him back in, grinning before gasping softly into his mouth when Chanyul keeps him on his side, hooking his bony fingers underneath the muscle of Daehwan’s thigh.

 

He pulls Daehwan’s leg up over his own, giving him enough room to slide his hand between Daehwan’s thighs, to gently draw his cheeks apart with his fingers, to circle him slowly, questioningly.  He wants him this way, on their sides, face to face, tips of their noses touching, all of Daehwan lined up with all of him, so he can judge his every reaction, so he can make sure Daehwan feels good.

 

Their lips part and he watches Daehwan’s eyes flicker open as he plays with him, and Daehwan smiles his permission, eyes gleaming, tempting, just urging Chanyul along. 

 

Daehwan’s mouth falls open when Chanyul slowly presses into him, sliding the tip of his index finger between Daehwan’s cheeks until he’s met with resistance, withdrawing and pushing in a little further with each curl of his wrist.

 

He goes slow, takes his time, mostly watching Daehwan, watching how he sucks in his puffy cheeks, feeling how he digs his fingertips into his arms and curls his toes against the back of Chanyul’s calf with each plunge of his hand.  It’s so much slower than they usually do it, usually Daehwan tells him exactly how he wants this and it’s always so fast and frenzied and rough, but right now Daehwan’s patient with him as he works him open, as he adds additional fingers, as he stretches and pumps and spreads, and he seems to like it just as much as the way he normally tells Chanyul to do it.

 

When Daehwan’s able to take three fingers, all the way down to the last knuckle, Chanyul eases his fingers out, and he needs to ask, one last time.

 

“How do you want this?”                                                 

 

Daehwan’s loose and sweaty now, round cheeks shining, clumps of brown hair sticking to his forehead, and he clasps Chanyul’s face with his damp hands, running his thumbs along the impossibly sharp lines of Chanyul’s jaw, kissing him, and Chanyul’s surprised to feel him trembling against his thin lips. 

 

But then he’s pulling away, rolling over onto his stomach, looking back over his shoulder and grinning.

 

“Like this.”

 

And this means a lot.  This is Daehwan giving him control, this is Daehwan trusting him completely. 

 

Chanyul knows what Daehwan’s doing.  He knows that Daehwan always knows what he wants, always knows what he needs, without them ever having to actually talk about any of it.  He knows that Daehwan’s giving him this because he needs to make him feel good, to do something right, to fix things.

 

And he’s beyond grateful for that.

 

He takes a second to appreciate the strong lines of Daehwan’s back and the way the tattoos on his shoulders distort in the candlelight before he kicks off his sweats and underwear, reaching for the lube and slicking himself up.  He settles in behind Daehwan, straddling the back of his thighs, right below the cleft of his ass, before reaching beneath Daehwan’s chest and pulling him up onto his knees, Daehwan inhaling sharply and pressing his palms into the mattress to steady himself as Yul’s erection slides up against his flesh.

 

Yul hesitates for just a second, waiting for Daehwan to nod once he’s in position, closing his eyes and lowering his head.  It’s hard to believe that he’s not going to watch now, but Chanyul knows he’s doing this to show him that he trusts him, that he just wants to feel and experience.

 

The moan that rips from Daehwan’s mouth when Chanyul breaches him is so deep that it reverberates in Chanyul’s chest, feels like it shakes his bones, his heart.  The initial slide in nearly finishes Chanyul right then and there, Daehwan is so hot and tight and he simply feels like he completes him.  But this is about what he can do for Daehwan, so he bites his lip and holds on, leaning forward and resting his chest against Daehwan’s strong back, burying his face in his shoulder, pressing his lips against one of his tattoos.

 

He wraps his arms firmly beneath Daehwan’s chest, starting to rock into him slowly, wanting this to be rare and special, slow and intimate, just the two of them, no interruptions, private and whole. 

 

He holds him as close as he can, feeling the way Daehwan’s chest expands and collapses in short quick breaths as he increases his pace, feeling his heartbeat race against his arms, tasting the salt of his sweat against his lips.

 

Daehwan’s gasping, moaning low, swaying back into him to meet his thrusts, and when Chanyul starts to snap his hips forwards they both nearly collapse, suddenly off-kilter as Daehwan shifts the entirety of his weight to rest on one arm.  Chanyul doesn’t understand why, just feels Daehwan grab one of hands and pull, and he lets Daehwan tug his arm to his mouth and hold it there, linking their fingers together and pressing messy kisses into his wrist.

 

They’re not going to be able to last much longer like this; Daehwan’s already starting to shake from the effort of supporting both of their upper bodies with just one arm, so Chanyul drops the arm remaining under Daehwan’s chest lower and gives his erection a few harsh tugs.  That’s all it takes for Daehwan to gasp into his wrist, shuddering through his second orgasm of the night.  And he’s so good, clenching so perfectly around Chanyul that he comes only a few erratic thrusts later, digging his teeth into the ink of the tattoo below him and spilling into Daehwan’s quaking body.

 

Daehwan releases his hand, slumping forward onto his arms, and Chanyul’s got just enough energy to lean back and pull out.  He tries to take a moment, to catch his breath, to gain some control over his slack and heavy limbs, but his vision is blurred and everything’s so hot and his head is spinning, and he barely registers the arms that catch him as his eyes fall shut and he lets himself fall face-first into the mattress.

 

The next time he opens his eyes, there’s a comforter pulled up to his waist, his head’s resting on a warm shoulder, there’s a damp hand holding him close, and he’s looking up at Daehwan’s round grinning face.  Daehwan’s eyes are tired, just a few flickering candles in the room left to illuminate them, but he’s smiling the same smile he has been all night.

 

He pushes some sweaty blonde and still chili-scented hair off Yul’s face, pressing a kiss to his bare forehead as Chanyul stirs in his arms. 

 

“…Daehwan?”  Chanyul doesn’t even attempt trying to move at all as he whispers.

 

“Hmm?”  Daehwan doesn’t try moving either, letting his head slump sideways against Yul’s.

 

“Thank you.”

 

Daehwan doesn’t bother asking what he’s being thanked for, Chanyul knows that he already knows.

 

“Thank you too.”  He does move this time, slightly, bumping their knees together beneath the blankets. 

 

They lay in content silence for a while, and Chanyul can’t help but think about just how unusual this is.  They’re alone.  It’s quiet, they actually got to have sex alone for once, nobody’s walked in on them, there aren’t any animals watching them, nobody’s crawled into bed with them, they have a room, a room that has a door, a room that has a door and a _real bed_ …

 

“This is nice…”  He murmurs into Daehwan’s skin, lips brushing against the tattoo on his chest.  “…tonight was nice.”

 

Daehwan chuckles, tangling their legs closer together.  “Even though it wasn’t anything like our first date?”

 

 “Even though.” 

 

“And even though we only got to have all this-” Daehwan gestures lazily at the bed, the candles, the room, “-because of the rest of the guys?”

 

Chanyul thinks about it for a second, and his mind is quiet and his pulse is normal and his breathing is calm.  He tilts his head slightly, looking at the candles and the cheap chocolate and the bottle of lube with the ribbon on Youngjin’s bedside table. 

 

Now it doesn’t matter that Youngjin’s loud and Joonyoung’s touchy and Eddy’s moody and Hadon’s strangely oblivious at times and Henry’s always oblivious and it definitely doesn’t matter that they sort of ruined their Valentine ’s Day plans.

 

Because without them accepting him and all of his imperfections, he could never have anything with Daehwan, alone or otherwise.

 

“Even though.  They’re kind of dumb, but they mean well, don’t they?”

 

Daehwan laughs, nods.  “They do.”

 

There’s a bit of a pause, a few of the candles flicker out and Chanyul shivers.  Daehwan pulls the blankets to their shoulders, wrapping himself around Chanyul as tightly as possible before whispering one final question.

 

“And you’re going to be able to make it now, right?”

 

It’s a big question.  He’s always had problems, anxieties, neuroses.  But so does Daehwan, and here they are anyways, in spite of all of their quirks. 

 

So he knows his answer.

 

“Right.”  He smiles softly as he reaches upwards and places his thin fingers on Daehwan’s cheeks.  “Because of you.”

 

Daehwan’s response comes in the form of a huge grin accompanied by a long tender kiss, and as Chanyul melts against him, he knows this won’t be the last time he freaks out.  It won’t be the last time the other members touch him too much, it won’t be the last time everybody’s too loud, it won’t be the last time that they’re interrupted or that their dates don’t go according to plan. 

 

But because of today, he knows he’ll be able to handle it.  He now knows that he can be honest with his members, that he can trust them, and that he can always trust Daehwan even more.

 

When their lips grow sore and they need to break for air, Daehwan curls in close to Chanyul’s side, wrapping his arms around him and settling in for some much needed sleep.  Chanyul lets his head recline against the pillows, and he searches beneath the blankets until he finds one of Daehwan’s hands, clasping it tight and bringing it to his chest so Daehwan can feel his heartbeat.  

 

As they lay there watching the last candle burn down, happy, satisfied, content, in love, Chanyul’s reminded of why he loves the other members too.  Because of them, he can still have Daehwan.  Daehwan who loves him for everything that he is, at his side, holding his hand, breath fanning gently across his skin. 

 

Right as the candle finally flickers out, Chanyul rolls over onto his side and tilts his head downwards, searching for Daehwan’s lips in the dark.  Daehwan responds almost instinctively, pulling Chanyul to him, guiding him until their mouths meet for one final kiss. 

 

And as their lips fit together effortlessly, two opposite halves of an imperfect but totally meant to be whole, Chanyul knows that they’ll make it through today, tomorrow, next week, and every week to come in the way they have since they first met.

 

Together.


End file.
